[rc5] Fwd: Humor: Politicows

Skip Huffman SHuffman at Atl.Carreker.Com
Fri Oct 3 16:32:02 EDT 1997


A Bovine Guide to Political Theory
from The Utne Reader:

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord
takes some of the milk.

Fascism:  You have two cows.  The
government takes both, hires you to take
care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure socialism:  You have two cows.  The
government takes them and puts them in a
barn with everyone else's cows.  You have to
take care of all the cows.  The government
gives you as much milk as you need.

Pure communism:   You have two cows.  Your
neighbors help you take care of them, and
you all share the milk.

Bureaucratic socialism:  You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them
in a barn with everyone else's cows.  They
are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.  You
have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and
as many eggs as the regulations say you
should need.

Russian communism:  You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the
government takes all the milk.

Pure democracy:  You have two cows.  Your
neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative democracy:  You have two
cows.  Your neighbors pick someone to tell
you who gets the milk.

American democracy:  The government
promises to give you two cows if you vote for
it.  After the election, the president is
impeached for speculating in cow futures.

Capitalism:  You have two cows.  You sell one
and buy a bull.

Local governmental capitalism:  The government
condemns your cows under rights of eminent domain,
knocks them over, and allows the mall to expand
its parking lot. 

Hong Kong capitalism:  You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank ,then
execute a debt-equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows
back, with a tax deduction for keeping five
cows.  The milk rights of six cows are
transferred via a Panamanian intermediary
to Cayman Islands company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder who sells the
rights to all seven cow's milk back to the
listed company.  The annual report says that
the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more.  Meanwhile, you kill the two
cows because the feng shui is bad.

Totalitarianism:  You have two cows. The
government takes them and denies they ever
existed.  Milk is banned.

Anarchism:  You have two cows.  Either you
sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors
try to kill you and take the cows.

Dictatorship:  You have two cows.  The
government takes both and shoots you.

Surrealism:  You have two giraffes.  The
government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.


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